a dive into my notes app

from toilet debates to groomers, we've got it all!

This was supposed to be another dive into my many emo-shun’s, but I got really ill and decided diving into my questionable notes app would be easier on my brain. So without further ado, here are some of the things I’ve found in the murky ponds they call ‘Strange Glue’s note’s app’ -

I love this one. This is my all-time favorite.

I went on a date with a boy with big eyes and bigger dreams. He wanted to be an actor, and he said he felt like London was swallowing him whole, we took the long walk to the train station stopping every so often to kiss and giggle. It felt like we were stupid kids figuring this ‘almost adulting’ thing out together. Asking for help in the form of tales of the many lives we had lived, and many lives we had left seemingly halfway through.

On the fairly empty train ride home we canoodled and held hands, and as I rested my head on his shoulder (just the thought of PDA disgusts me, but I guess this day was an exception) I heard the old man sitting across from us turn to his friend and say “you were like that once” and his friend smiled and gave us a nod. I closed my eyes for the rest of the ride home. I think about it often, I think about what was said. I think about being ‘like that,’ so enamored and shamelessly showing it. I think about when he moved my eyelash from my cheek all I wanted was to kiss him, and how I did not. I wonder what the old man thought about it. Who’s head he felt on his shoulder at that moment? Who’s hands he missed in his.

My aunt used to look for fortunes at the bottom of coffee cups and she’s terrifyingly accurate.

A few years after this fortune I took notes of what she had told my mother, she actually stopped looking altogether because she warned a woman she saw her daughter’s marriage ending in a lot of tears. The woman told my aunty that’s ridiculous because her daughter was so in love, and my aunt told her she saw a lot of pain and destruction.

A month later the woman came knocking at my aunt’s door, she said her daughter had been murdered by her very loving husband and mother-in-law, she said my aunt must have known the husband and tried to subtly warn the woman as to what he was plotting when she told the fortune!

After that my aunt stopped looking at the bottom of coffee cups altogether. But I’ll always be spooked out around her because she knows EVERYTHING.

My parents took my sister and me with them to pick a new bathroom when we moved homes. They were dead set on getting a black toilet which we all thought would be pretty cool at first.

We then decided to debate it over the notes app as we couldn’t out loud, we came to the conclusion it wasn’t a good idea and now we have a white toilet. I do have some regrets about this decision and so I keep the note to remind me it was the right one…I think...

This is a weird one because I remember waking up to find I had written this probably mid-sleep. This is around the anniversary of the accident so perhaps that’s what had set me off. I think (?) the grief isn’t so violently in the forefront anymore, but it does pop up in the most unexpected times and places…more on this some other time.

I quite like the whiplash of reading a toilet debate and then a harrowing exploration of grief right after. I really truly do contain multitudes. Or I’m batshit. Either way, it’s entertaining.

Right?

I’ve saved quite a few insults that either I’ve said or heard others saying just so I can deploy them quickly when needed. I always forget about them when I need them though so maybe they need to be pinned.

This makes a lot of sense to me, and it does genuinely terrify me. And I hate the fact that this makes sense to me and terrifies me but that I am also so locked in.

I find myself feeling this way once every few months. I used to think it was a bad thing, I’d often fear when the next time would roll around, and I’d do my best to feel somewhat prepared.

It’s not so much like this anymore, I feel like it’s important to feel the warmth go, it’s important to feel the breeze as well. It gives you that kind of shock that awakens you from the warm lazy slumber. A blast of cool air never hurt anybody.

I think this is a fully comprehensive list of men I had actually never met, back when MyYearbook.com and KIK were popping off.

P was a man who was homeless, he would message 15-year-old me when he charged up his phone and he loved owl city. He was super cute I was very obsessed, I have no idea what happened to him or when we stopped talking…hm...

J was the nicest guy ever, we were actually super good buddies, he was American and lived on a farm and had horses and we had a super wholesome friendship. This was back many moons ago when I had a Facebook account so once I got off of Facebook he was gone too, I do regret not exchanging numbers, I hope he’s doing well.

The 40-year-old plumber was a KIK groomer when I was like 13 (?) (maybe? maybe a bit older). I was heartbroken when he left me for a 38-year-old woman, I actually cried for days. I then tried to catfish him by pretending to be a 40-year-old woman, he called me out on it pretty quickly, and it only made me cry more…

J - I remember, so vividly, being in sociology and watching a documentary on drug dealers, only for the guy I was talking to via BBM to pop up. He hadn’t even asked for his face to be blurred like all the other drug dealers, at that point I knew he was a certified dumbass. We met through a BBM message chain…and he modeled for Hollister once so I felt like the chosen one. Yes, I am cringing as much as you are.

Guy - I mean, webcam sex…caught by my dad…that’s about it…

• I’ve come to realize this list doesn’t include perhaps the most important of people I’d met online but never irl. The Australian Guy who was saving up a crazy amount to buy me a wedding ring…although I think he warrants his own post so that’s for another day.

This was my friend writing in my notes app to let me know about the man she slept with telling her he came, but he didn’t? or he did but she didn’t know? I’m not quite sure as to the details but I do like this note a lot as it was written in a room full of people. A storytime that just had to be urgently told.

Is this suspicious? Is this shocking? Is this joyous? We will never know. All we know is ‘she’ had noodles on her shopping list…

When in doubt, put on those adult diapers.

I’ve actually rocked them a few times. Most notable at a festival where I went to see Lorde - who was touring Melodrama at the time, and I had violent ecoli. I was hospitalized the next day and then there was a plan in motion to induce me into a coma.

But Lorde was insanely amazing live. And so, I’m glad I put on/pulled up those diapers and went to watch her and stunk up the entire crowd.

It’s not, you’re being dramatic. It’s 2:24, go to bed grandpa. Wake up and feel the love. You ARE love.

This one is about a boy I love(d) back in school that now is living in Canada and totally exists (he does! I promise!)